"The deepest longing in the human soul is for the deep, intimate relationship that fullfills and completes us. This relationship symbolises our connection with the Divine. Through it we can re-experience that connection which we have so often lost.
Some of us are presented with the opportunity. We meet that person who is our other half. We fall in Love. And then what? Instead of living happily ever after, often we spoil it"
Joy Manne- PHD
On Intimate Relationship.....and physical health
It is through our deeper longing that we evolve and learn as souls.
It is also through the this deep pain of not realizing our connection to each other from the view point of a spiritual self mingling within the biosphere of earth that confuses many of us. We often turn away from that which would fulfill us.
Relationships become a power struggle between being vulnerable and being empowered enough to maintain the self in order to survive in the world.
Joy Manne (in her book Conscious Breathing in Everyday Life) describes empowerment in an intimate Relationship as Power and Vulnerability in Equilibrium.
There is so much confusion in relationships about personal power. Indeed, this is the cause of the Gender rift that I have often made mention of in my previous newsletters.
This confusion comes about for many reasons, including the fact that we are taught from a very young age to give our power away to a cultural system that does not honour love , respect , beauty or truth and each other at its core. Our current society values Power systems and Competitive behavior.
In short, psychopathic ego structures.. Empathy and warmth is not remotely on the agenda.
Domination over others at all costs and the mighty economic rationalization ....we become conditioned to behave in a way that compromises our very soul. No wonder we are in Pain, as our internal compass of compassion , humor, love and generosity of spirit are compromised in a world that is purely mechanistic.
With life experience, and so much hurt in the past, one becomes wary of allowing true vulnerability in relationship , because we all know that when you open yourself up, you are open to being very very hurt.
Time heals(usually by building a thicker skin and stuffing the pain deep within), you forget the pain. Unawares , you fall in love again, only to find yourself repeating the exact same drama, time and time again. As Sondra Ray says in her many essays on Loving relationships "Love brings up that which is unlike itself"...
We blame ourselves and each other and so the cycle continues in confusion.
The key to breaking free of this cycle is to become your best friend, and learn to look into the wounds that have been driving you. People who are in the most pain, tend to cause the most pain to others. Look to understand your pain, and then , from a position of being real , you can engage in heartfelt open and loving communication, and get some real relationship tools to help navigate this realm.
But this requires more than a desire.
You need strengthened internal fortitude and commitment to see a relationship through the early stages of the Vulnerability/Power balance.
You need to agree to not abandon each other during this time, and allow all that has been hidden to come up to be healed.
Not blame each other, maintain communication, be fair and keep togetherness as a priority.
Be friendly, share ideas and feelings and above all, be honest with self and other.
To Love deeply is the most wonderful experience, but , to all out there who are trying their best to love well, understand that all relationship is a spiritual longing. Closeness depends on how much you let the other person into your world. The maintaining of that relationship depends on how well you can provide the safety for your partner to stay open and vulnerable whilst empowering them. This is a mutual challenge.
Enjoy all the romance and heady days, but don't run away from the challenges!
Let the magic of Love undo you, so that you can be re-built in love again and again.
And why do I discuss this at all? What is this to do with Herbs and Healing?
To me, the most pain I see in the clinic is the pain of suppressed grief, miscommunication and love gone sour. Disappointment, hurt, frustration and anger turned inward.
This is held in the body until it creates many of the modern illness that the standard medical profession have no solution for.
The Heart wants what the Heart wants..
And the longing will not stop until you address the pain, and be -friend yourself and your mate on a daily basis.
Bach Flowers and Herbs can aid so much in healing your body and emotions in order to have the strength the love well.... Because in order to love well, you need physical health and emotional strength to move through the Ego's intention to make you run for the Hills when you fall in Love again ( and believe me, you will fall in love again and again when you are physically well enough to do so!)
